Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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