This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
