i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
