Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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