so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i've created a new STD.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
