i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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