well you can't waste a boner
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
