I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
