she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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