How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
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Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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