OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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