Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
