you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
not ubering you a puppy
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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