exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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