i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
