Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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