i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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