im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
