Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
