Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
