Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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