True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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