her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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