i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
