he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
