She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just pee around me
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
