we're blogging at a bar
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
