It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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