I'm lost and stupid without you.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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