I'm so fucking centered right now
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
