I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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