If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
