What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
