I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
