My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He passed out mid-signature
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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