I am in a vortex of obligation.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Randomize
