Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
