My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
