we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
