I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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