I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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