Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
