Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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