Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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