My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
