I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
