You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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