At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
