he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's shark week go big or go home
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
