i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
