good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
