ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
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