Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
