So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
