Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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