Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
