Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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