I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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