so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
