in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
