Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
