She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
