why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
