We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I didn't notice because vodka
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
