I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
