Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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