Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize