This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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