new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
