i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
