She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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